andrew

I can,t believe it has been 4 years since andrew died. It does,t seem possbile that it,s been that long. I miss andrew so much. I don,t think i can ever put into words how much it has hurt me to lose andrew. I still remember that night and that week. That whole week i did,t cry at all even at the wake and funural. It was,t just shock,i think with out joking that i really lost my mind. I really think my mind just snapped and it did,t hit me until the day after the funural. I went out for a walk then it hit me like a ton of brinks. I went to his grave and cryed there for 2 hrs. I did,t know what to do, how to think or feel. Nothing that big had ever happened to me before and i had never lost someone that i loved as much as andrew. I was only able to handle it as well as i did because of my family and friends. My friends helped me out and for that i,m thankful to them. I know people were worried about me because i did,t talk about it or cry as much as everyone else. I always thought of myself as a tough guy and i always kept my feelings to myself. I think now that i did,t want to cry because i thought if i start i will not be able to stop. The hardest part for me is we still don,t know everything that happened the night andrew died. I love you andrew. you were a great brother. I wish you could have met luke. you would love luke.